Sedona Brave
Sedona Brave began on a whim. Not the kind of whim that might happen in a shoe store or a Target. This was the kind of whim that was born out of a decision not to let another chance to break free pass by like so many opportunities I was too afraid to take. I would just watch them fade away as i sat quietly in the comfort of my comfort zone.
My window of opportunity was short, 10 days; two weeks if I was lucky. So it was now or I would have to wait a while. Maybe I would never have the guts to do this again. I opened up my travel journal. The one that held all my bucket lists, travel dreams, hopes, experiences that I wanted to create before I died. Very uplifting book. I mostly just stared at it,week after week, month after month, never making an entry or attempting to. But today, was different.
I was sitting in the dark, looking at the unmade bed and the cold cup of coffee next to me and I realized that I was going to loose my stuff if I had to sit there any longer.
I opened up my book. It opened to a page with the handwritten words, Sedona Arizona, underlined twice. Ok. That is it.
I grabbed my art bag, my camera, and my little book of dreams. I decided not to think about it. Thinking is the killer of many dreams and plans. I quickly packed a suit case and got in the truck, leaving the dishes in the sink, the towels in the dryer, and drove toward Arizona. I drove for 100 miles before I got the courage to call my husband. I took a deep breath and dialed.
" Hey babe, whats up?"
' I am driving to Arizona, Sedona"
Silence
"Hello"
"So whats happening, are you leaving me?"
"Of course not, I love you. This is just something I have to do"
"who is with you?"
"Noone."
"Oh My God! are you crazy? what if you get sick?"
"What if I don't? I feel great. I took the truck"
" the truck?"
" The tires are new"
" Are you serious? I think this is a bad idea"
" I knew you would so I waited until I got three hours away to call you. I am disappearing. I am disappearing under the weight of this disease, of always being careful, of never taking chances or working hard or enjoying anything because I might get sick. I cant live like that anymore. I have to see if I am still in here, if I can still feel joy. I'm isolated, alone and scared all the time. I need to feel brave."
" all the way to Sedona brave?" he said with a little annoyance in his voice.
" yes, Sedona Brave"
more silence
" Ok, I love you. If you get sick, I will come get you. Have fun, be careful and check in"
" Thank you so much, don't forget about the kids, bye." I said that quickly and got off the phone before the guilt of not picking up my own teenagers from high school set in and I turned the truck around. He could handle it, he's a great dad.
You see, I have Lupus. It had stolen my life, my energy, my strength and my hope of ever having a life again for many years. Don't go in the sun. Don't eat that. Stay close to home. Don't commit to anything. you'll just have to create new dreams. Be realistic about your condition. That had gone on for so long, I just quit believing anything else could exist.
Until I found the perfect drug combo and I started to have better days, then better weeks. I realized that after the once a month infusion, I had a couple of weeks that I could kick ass and take names. So I started to get as much done during that time as I could before the symptoms returned. My window. But everyone was so used to me not being able to that they were worried. Don't do that mom... lay down mom... do you need to rest...we cant do that, mom cant go in the sun.... mom cant go.... Hello!!!! I'm in the room. I've been laying down for 10 years.... Get out of my way!
I did it. I saw the pueblos, the red peaks, the mountains. I ate weird vegan foods and stayed at a resort for a night that was like a spa.
I. enjoyed. every. second.
I got tired, I got worn out. But I did it and it occurred to me that if I can do that, what else is in that little book I have been afraid of?
And that is the story of how Sedona Brave came to be. I am committed to pursuing my art practice, my creative life, my spiritual life and my experience with others in the hope that they might be inspired to be Brave enough to punch fear in the face and just live.
Sedona Brave is about doing it even if it hurts, if your terrified, if you think you can't. Its about growth and discipline and pushing through and working hard. Its about being brave enough to live. Really live. Its about God and people and love and kindness. Its about choosing people over things and ideologies, Its about art, life and discovery. Its about living a creative life and sharing that creativity with others for their benefit and for yours.
Your life is waiting. Be Brave.
Sedona Brave
My window of opportunity was short, 10 days; two weeks if I was lucky. So it was now or I would have to wait a while. Maybe I would never have the guts to do this again. I opened up my travel journal. The one that held all my bucket lists, travel dreams, hopes, experiences that I wanted to create before I died. Very uplifting book. I mostly just stared at it,week after week, month after month, never making an entry or attempting to. But today, was different.
I was sitting in the dark, looking at the unmade bed and the cold cup of coffee next to me and I realized that I was going to loose my stuff if I had to sit there any longer.
I opened up my book. It opened to a page with the handwritten words, Sedona Arizona, underlined twice. Ok. That is it.
I grabbed my art bag, my camera, and my little book of dreams. I decided not to think about it. Thinking is the killer of many dreams and plans. I quickly packed a suit case and got in the truck, leaving the dishes in the sink, the towels in the dryer, and drove toward Arizona. I drove for 100 miles before I got the courage to call my husband. I took a deep breath and dialed.
" Hey babe, whats up?"
' I am driving to Arizona, Sedona"
Silence
"Hello"
"So whats happening, are you leaving me?"
"Of course not, I love you. This is just something I have to do"
"who is with you?"
"Noone."
"Oh My God! are you crazy? what if you get sick?"
"What if I don't? I feel great. I took the truck"
" the truck?"
" The tires are new"
" Are you serious? I think this is a bad idea"
" I knew you would so I waited until I got three hours away to call you. I am disappearing. I am disappearing under the weight of this disease, of always being careful, of never taking chances or working hard or enjoying anything because I might get sick. I cant live like that anymore. I have to see if I am still in here, if I can still feel joy. I'm isolated, alone and scared all the time. I need to feel brave."
" all the way to Sedona brave?" he said with a little annoyance in his voice.
" yes, Sedona Brave"
more silence
" Ok, I love you. If you get sick, I will come get you. Have fun, be careful and check in"
" Thank you so much, don't forget about the kids, bye." I said that quickly and got off the phone before the guilt of not picking up my own teenagers from high school set in and I turned the truck around. He could handle it, he's a great dad.
You see, I have Lupus. It had stolen my life, my energy, my strength and my hope of ever having a life again for many years. Don't go in the sun. Don't eat that. Stay close to home. Don't commit to anything. you'll just have to create new dreams. Be realistic about your condition. That had gone on for so long, I just quit believing anything else could exist.
Until I found the perfect drug combo and I started to have better days, then better weeks. I realized that after the once a month infusion, I had a couple of weeks that I could kick ass and take names. So I started to get as much done during that time as I could before the symptoms returned. My window. But everyone was so used to me not being able to that they were worried. Don't do that mom... lay down mom... do you need to rest...we cant do that, mom cant go in the sun.... mom cant go.... Hello!!!! I'm in the room. I've been laying down for 10 years.... Get out of my way!
I did it. I saw the pueblos, the red peaks, the mountains. I ate weird vegan foods and stayed at a resort for a night that was like a spa.
I. enjoyed. every. second.
I got tired, I got worn out. But I did it and it occurred to me that if I can do that, what else is in that little book I have been afraid of?
And that is the story of how Sedona Brave came to be. I am committed to pursuing my art practice, my creative life, my spiritual life and my experience with others in the hope that they might be inspired to be Brave enough to punch fear in the face and just live.
Sedona Brave is about doing it even if it hurts, if your terrified, if you think you can't. Its about growth and discipline and pushing through and working hard. Its about being brave enough to live. Really live. Its about God and people and love and kindness. Its about choosing people over things and ideologies, Its about art, life and discovery. Its about living a creative life and sharing that creativity with others for their benefit and for yours.
Your life is waiting. Be Brave.
Sedona Brave